Am I Codependent?

Codependency is a term that describes an unhealthy or unbalanced relationship, where one person’s needs are met while the others aren’t. Codependent people are said to “enable” the bad behavior of a person by supporting them, no matter if it negatively affects their own well-being. This type of behavior can appear in any kind of relationship, whether it be of a familial, romantic, or professional nature. It doesn’t matter the connection, as the codependent person is dealing with an emotional and behavioral problem that invades all facets of their lives.

As an example, a parent may have a hard time setting healthy boundaries by telling their grown addict son or daughter their behavior is unwelcomed and they must move out. This is certainly a lose/lose scenario because enabling this bad behavior stalls recovery and only perpetuates the problem. In addition, the codependent parent puts themselves in harm’s way, mentally, emotionally, and perhaps even physically.

Another example would be a person’s inability to have a mutually satisfying relationship. Those suffering from codependency often enter into very one sided relationships that can become emotionally destructive, and even abusive. They live to please their partners at all costs, and lose their sense of self in the process. Sadly, this behavior can become a vicious and repetitive cycle for the codependent person if left untreated.

Codependency often stems from an individual’s low self-esteem, excessive need to please, and an inability to set boundaries. Codependents feel responsible for others’ problems and will take them on, despite the personal toll it may cost them.

Where Does Codependency Come From?

Codependency is usually developed in childhood. If you grew up in an environment where your emotions were either ignored or punished, you most likely developed low self-esteem, believing your needs didn’t matter.

Many codependents had parents who, for some reason, were unable to fulfill their role as caretakers. This dysfunction is usually the result of addiction, depression, narcissism, or other deeply rooted issues. In this situation, the child is forced to take on responsibilities beyond their years, taking care of younger siblings and even their own parent(s).

When we’re young, codependent behaviors are a survival mechanism. But as we become adults, these same behaviors prevent us from experiencing healthy relationships.

Signs of Codependency

Codependent people will typically display one or more telltale codependency signs:

• The belief you must “save” or “rescue” others
• Low self-esteem
• A one-sided relationship where one person is responsible and the other is allowed to be chronically irresponsible.
• Going without so that others can have what they need or want.
• Walking on eggshells around others and keeping opinions to yourself so as not to upset the other person.
• Martyrdom – taking care of everyone else and resentful when no one cares for you.
• A need to control
• A need to please
• An inability to set boundaries
• Staying in relationships that are harmful or abusive
• A feeling of guilt when taking care of yourself

If you can relate to one or more of these signs, there is a good chance you may be suffering from codependency. This lifestyle is physically and emotionally draining, as the person suffering from this condition is rarely emotionally fulfilled.

I suffered from a pretty severe form of codependency throughout my childhood and well into my mid 40’s. It wasn’t until I was able to acknowledge my unhealthy tendencies and seek help, that I began to recognize my triggers and could stop myself from falling back into old habits. I still have those triggers at times; and therefore, have to be conscious of my actions in those moments. However, having done the work,  I am now so much more in control of my life. My choices that I make now aren’t based solely on pleasing someone else and getting that internal, selfish gratification, but on the real, authentic reason behind them.

The good news is, by committing to your own personal development and well-being by working with a life coach who understands codependency, you can have a profound recovery that ultimately leads to peace, fulfillment, and true connections with others. What’s important to realize though, is that you will always be a work in progress, and that is perfectly Ok. Growth in any area of life is dynamic and should be welcomed, as it pushes us to always strive to become better versions of ourselves each and every day. We are all works in progress!

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me for a free 30 minute consultation.

Much Love,

Angie