Are You the Person You Are Looking for is Looking For?

The title of this blog post might be a little tricky to read and comprehend; however, it does make us pose a serious question to ourselves. I first came across this question a couple of years ago when I read a book titled, The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating by Pastor, Andy Stanley. I am currently reading this book again, but this time with some close friends and members of my church connection group, thus the inspiration for this post.

To say that this question was a difficult one to answer back then was a huge understatement! Why? Because I wasn’t that person…not even close. Sure, I considered myself to be a “good person” and one who would do almost anything for someone in need, but was that really true? Was I hiding behind this façade of being a “good person” in an effort to justify the real internal work that I was not doing? This is hard to admit, but yes, that is exactly what I was doing.

Pastor Stanley’s book addresses one of the most overused and convenient myths pertaining to dating and relationships, The Right Person Myth.

Here are a couple of examples of this myth:

• When I meet the right person, everything will be ok
• When I marry the right person, everything will be ok

So, the assumption here is that there is nothing we ourselves need to work on. The assumption is that the “right person” has just never entered our lives; therefore, everything negative that has happened in our past relationships is all because of someone else. I want you to take a moment and pause to think about those last two sentences. Imagine yourself saying those things to your best friend. “All of my relationships have failed because I have been dating all the wrong people” or “There’s nothing wrong with me, It’s all him/her.” If you are really honest with yourself, you will see how arrogant and self absorbed that sounds. I’m not trying to be harsh, but just as blatantly honest with you as I had to be with myself. After all, we cannot change what we don’t openly acknowledge.

If you are hoping to find the right person, then you also have to be that same person for your potential partner.  One of the exercises in this book involves making a list containing all of the qualities and characteristics you are looking for in a partner. Then, take that same list and use it on yourself, to see how you would measure up if someone else were seeking those same qualities and characteristics in you. This can be a painful but eye opening exercise, as it forces us to truly look inward and openly acknowledge our own inconsistencies. I have done this exercise on myself twice, and can honestly say that my own personal score was much better the second time. Once I was able to acknowledge areas where I fell short and was willing to take the steps to change, my life began to change significantly for the better.

If you feel you need help in this area, please reach out to me today for a free 30 minute consultation. I look forward to talking with you!

Much Love,

Angie