How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met, regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up in households that were unsafe and unstable, and where there was a constant invasion of personal boundaries.
If you can relate, chances are you have a hard time creating healthy boundaries to create the life experience you wish to have. Here are some ways you can begin to do so:
Identify Your Limits
You can’t set boundaries unless you discover where it is you personally stand. You’ll need to take the time to recognize what you can and cannot tolerate. What makes you happy and what makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed? Only when you have made these discoveries can you move on to the next steps.
Don’t Be Shy
Those who have similar communication styles are easy to engage with. These people will quickly understand what your new barriers are. However, people who have different cultural backgrounds or personalities may not easily understand your boundaries. With these individuals, it’s important to be very clear and direct.
Pay Attention to Your Feelings
People who have a hard time setting boundaries don’t often allow themselves to acknowledge their own feelings, because they’re usually too concerned about everyone else’s.
You’ll need to start recognizing how people make you feel, in order to know whether your new boundaries are being crossed or not. When you’re with someone, make mental notes, or even jot down in a journal how that interaction made you feel.
If, after spending time with someone, you feel anger or resentment, this is a sign that the person may be overstepping your boundaries. Reiterate to this person what your boundaries are. If they continue to disrespect you and your boundaries, you will want to remove yourself from further interactions. This isn’t always easy to do; however, it is essential when trying to maintain an optimal level of peace in your own life.
Make Self-Care a Priority
Put yourself and your needs first. This may feel strange and even somehow wrong if you’ve spent your entire life taking care of others. Those of us who tend to be people pleasers often get stuck in situations where we are constantly giving to others and putting our own needs on the back burner. This may seem like a noble and selfless act, but in the long run, it is going to take its toll on your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-trust. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings and get what you need to feel happy and well. Make this a priority!
Speak with Someone
If you’ve spent an entire life with a sense of low self-worth, you may find setting boundaries quite difficult. In this case, it’s important to talk with a life coach that can help you discover where these feelings are coming from, and how to change your thought patterns and behavior. This can be done and you can be the confident, happy, and fulfilled person you desire to be!
If you’d like to explore coaching, please go to the Contact tab and complete the form. I would be happy to help you on your journey toward a more fulfilling life.
Much Love,
Angie